6.24.2011

Summer Tan

You know, I love to tan.  God blessed my dad with fabulous tan skin, so tan that in junior high I told all of my Mexican friends that I was also part Mexican (because I swore that my dad and grandpa were). . . they all started to roll the r's in my name- it sounded really silly!  Well I'm not part Mexican but my dad is just really tan, I have always been so happy that I got his skin and not the skin that my brother and mom have. . . you know, the pale burners!


All through high school and college my friends have always enjoyed laying out, whether it was at my best friend Jerene's house, my backyard-or sometimes a beach getaway-we LOVED laying out and soaking up the sun.  The last time that I tanned with her last summer I was pregnant and almost passed out-it was fabulous.


Personally, feeling tan makes me feel a little better about my body. . . seriously, its a self-esteem booster! It feels like the sun is shining off of me, my skin glows, it hides some of my marks, lines and blemishes-a tan is a wonderful concealer:) Anyone agree with me?????


But this summer things have changed.


Sometimes when Brooklyn takes her afternoon nap, instead of doing all of my "mommy" duties while I get a chance to, I like to go float around in the pool.  So I put on some SPF 12 tanning oil (yes its better than SPF 6) and I head out to the pool with the monitor to hopefully get in a good 30 or more minutes before either the baby wakes up or I head in to do the work that I skipped out on.


While I am laying there I like to pray.  Its quiet outside, scorching hot. . . but in the peacefulness of tanning I talk to God and also go through my list of things to do or just daydream.  AND THEN IT HAPPENS. . .


This conviction comes to my mind.  The fact that I am laying out in the sun, while my 8 month old daughter is sleeping. . . and all I can think about is "what if I get skin cancer and am not around for her later on".  It's no longer about ME.  I love tanning, but I can't just think about myself anymore.  I slather her with sunscreen and keep her in the shade, and I continue to splash water on my burning body because I swear the water helps you tan better.  Am I taking care of myself?  


Would I rather be tan right now? Or lose my tan and know that my body will be okay in the years to come?  But what if from all of my past tanning I can't really prevent the skin cancer anymore?  What if my husband isn't attracted to a pale wife?  What if my husband has to raise our family on his own?


Yeah, I know that this makes me sound crazy.  And sometimes in my head I am.  But as a mom, I struggle back and forth with things like this- knowing that I'm still young and want to have a tan and feel good. . . but knowing that more importantly I have a family and responsibility to be a good role model about taking care of yourself.


That's my ramble for the day, in my head I ramble too so I just wrote it down!

2 comments:

  1. No girl - you are spot on! And I'm not a mom yet, but I have the same dialogue in my head about taking care of myself and being there for my sweet husband years from now. I should probably put a higher spf sunscreen on than I do, but I at least am putting it on and tanning (though I love it) isn't on my list of things I do now. Or if I "lay out" it is for a much shorter time with sunscreen just to feel the hot sun on my skin :) I like being tan, but I am finding that I don't mind being pale either...and Brad tells me he loves whatever color I am so I'm just deciding this year to play it safe and protect myself so I have many years with him! You are not crazy...unless we both are. haha!

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  2. Those same thoughts went through my head this weekend. We all went for a swim and after we got out I was just going to layout. Well... I laid there for about 5 minutes worrying. All those things that you mentioned were racing through my brain and I had to get up and go inside. Those loves of our lives are way worth a little less sun these days. :)

    You put exactly what I was feeling this weekend in words so perfectly... I just love your blog!

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