Little "E" and Big "E", Day 1

On Monday December 12th we found ourselves back at the first step of foster care, our names were on the phone list and our hearts and stomachs felt a little on edge and nervous not knowing what the call would bring.  After much thought, Ryan and I truly enjoyed that we were able to talk to the 3 year old in our first placement.  We liked that he could share with us his feelings and ask about mom, tell us what he wanted like if he was hungry/tired/upset and etc.  So as a family we decided to accept older boys into our home.  We weren't going to take a girl, because even though Brooklyn and little girl "S" were babies, there was a ton of competition between the two.

When the agency called they had a family of six, and asked us to take the two youngest boys, ages 2 and 5.  Little "E" and big "E" were dropped off at our house around 3:30 that day before Ryan came home and a few hours later our foster care experience reached a whole new level.

Its a little weird, but these kids that you were looking forward to being able to talk to are in your home. . . and yet it takes you a little bit to figure out what to say because no words can comfort little ones who have been taken away from their parents.

The boys watched cartoons and ate animal crackers on the couch while Brooklyn tried to steal their shoes for about 30 minutes (she's obsessed with shoes).  Things were relaxing a bit, so I decided to start dinner knowing they were hungry and that Ryan would be home about an hour later.  I started grabbing the items I needed from the cupboards, got my pans out and opened some cans up.  When I peeked around the corner to check on the kids watching TV, I found little "E" and big "E" standing right in front of Brooklyn, and she was looking up at big "E" who had one of his hands on her back holding her, with his other hand gripped in a choking position on her neck.  AWESOME.

I screamed, of course.  But then kindly told the boys that we needed to use nice hands with the baby.  I told them that we aren't mean to others in my house and asked them to please be careful.  So then they sweetly started to pat on her back, talk with her and offer her toys.  This time while I cooked I stood at the edge of the counter so I could keep my eyes on the group of kids at all times.  Brooklyn started to hysterically laugh when big "E" tickled her, and both boys thought it was so funny so then of course the next 5 minutes were full of baby giggles while they tickled away.  The tickling match moved around the room a little bit, and when the kids got into the hallway I put the spoon down that I had and walked around the back of my fridge so that I could watch and make sure the tickling didn't get out of hand. It took me about 10 seconds total to get to the hallway, and I found big "E" holding Brooklyn's body still while little "E" had both hands around her neck choking her.

I screamed, again.  This time I told the boys that we don't touch the baby AT ALL and I sat in the front room with the baby and kids until Ryan came home.  When he walked in the door I introduced him to the boys, told him that I needed a minute, and went into our room where I sobbed and sobbed for a good 20 minutes.

My mind was racing-
-Would I choose foster care over the safety of my baby?
-Will I be able to keep my eyes on three kids at all times?
-If this was a glimpse of the placement can we say no?
-God knew I had a hard time at first, does it only get worse?
-Was Ryan going to support me?
-Should we wait until Brooklyn can talk to take in older kids?

To make a long story of emotions short. . . I calmed down and cooked dinner.  Ryan took Brooklyn with him after dinner to buy a lock for her door at Home Depot and we put everyone to bed and prayed. . . hard.

1 comment:

  1. Oh doll, you are so right to be thinking of your family's safety. If this is what you meant by us "hating you for what you thought" this is NOT the case. Even if disruption was an option over the safety of the family, that is what it is there for. Some fits are not for a long haul...maybe just for a short while.