7.30.2012

A family of four?



It was almost unreal. I know that everywhere there are people fostering kids, working in orphanages, adopting children or even having custody of family members like nieces or grandkids. We were aware and hopeful that one day through fostering the perfect child would come into our home that needed a permanent family to love him or her due to a sick/jailed or absent parent. And yet I never imagined that a biological mom would ask us personally to adopt her son. Like I said, it was unreal.

As Baby G’s momma stood there at his birthday party sharing her heart on why she thought we should be his parents, my mind was racing. I had to hold my composure as she spoke; I was so thrown off by her question that I wanted to awkwardly and hysterically laugh. But nothing she said was funny.

Here were some of my thoughts and questions that came to mind in the 20 minutes of this
conversation. Some were shared out loud but MOST were in my head.

Is she serious?

Will she want him back when her life is stable again?

Is she serious?

What changed her mind overnight?

Is she serious?

What about her brothers and sisters or parents, will they want him?

Is this really happening at his birthday party?

Why wouldn’t she want to keep fighting for her son?

Why has she fought so hard until now?

Who wouldn’t want Baby G? He’s so chill.

When she remarries will they want him back?

Will she get pregnant with a number 6 and then we adopt that baby too?

Does adopting G mean we are forever taking on his four siblings a few times a month as well?

Will his biological father come after him?

Does his biological father know G’s in our care?

I always go back and forth about wanting to be pregnant, is this just her hormones talking?

How will Brooklyn and our family feel about permanency?

What will our family of 4 look like with an open adoption?

Will he hate or resent me when he’s a teenager for taking him from his mom?

Does this mean I need to actually open up and love on him more?

IS SHE SERIOUS?

In the end I can have a million concerns and questions, but there is really only one question to ask. . . What is best for Baby G? In our foster care class they impressed on us that being with the biological mother is almost always best. So what do you do when that mom is asking you to adopt her son?

While she talked to us I was crying softly, my husband was too (but he’s more sensitive so that was
expected.) But to be honest with you, my tears weren’t because I felt like “Yay, Baby G, I’m so happy
this is happening!” Nope. Those really weren’t what my tears were for at all. I was crying because I
felt honored. As a mother I can’t imagine asking someone to adopt my daughter. However, if I was
in a situation that was making me, you’d better believe that I would pick a *damn* good family. I felt honored as his mother shared about the peace that she feels in our home, the healthiness that she sees in my marriage with Ryan and the love that she’s seen shine through us to Baby G. It was a moment that I’ll never forget.

So where do we go from here? What is best for Baby G? Ryan and I took about a day to pray on it, but the reality is we knew the answer all along. Baby G fits with our family, Brooklyn loves him so much she’s almost obsessed with “Gaga” (as she likes to call him), and we know that God placed him in our home for a reason. Is this the reason? We don’t know, but we are moving forward in the adoption process believing that this is what God wants as he has opened the doors.

Brooklyn doesn’t know what is going on, but she’ll be happy to know Gaga isn’t leaving anytime soon. Ryan is over the moon, he loves this little guy so much- screams and all. Me? Well I’m trying to open up my heart a little more. I want to bond with him, knowing that he’ll be my son-but I still have somewhat of a wall up. His mom hasn’t severed her rights yet and she can change her mind at any moment. Even if giving up Brooklyn was the responsible thing to do, in the end I would change my mind. . .

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