7.01.2012

Baby "G"'s Momma

Out of the two placements we had previously, we met the mother of the first kids and she was totally fine with us.  The parents of the boys however, and especially dad, hated us.  They didn't tell that to our faces, but by the way CPS would sneek my husband out of the back of the building, and by the comments that they sent home with the CPS worker to pass on to us, it was clear how they felt for us.  So when our current CPS worker mentioned that we should meet "G"'s mom, I kindly replied, "If we don't have to meet her that's okay with us."  But our worker speaks English as her second language, so she didn't understand my kind way of saying "no".  Instead, she continued to tell me all of the good things about meeting the parent, and what a great help that would be to mom and for our family as well since we would find out things about "G"'s routines and specific "likes" that would be beneficial to know.

On Monday morning when "G" would usually be picked up for his visit with mom, it was my job to drive him and drop him off so that I could have a few minutes to meet her.  I nervously drove to the DES building where the meetings were, and prayed "Lord please let this not be too akward, and PLEASE let Brooklyn behave well while we're there".  I mean, I didn't want to look like I couldn't even handle my own daughter right?!? We got there first and headed back to the room, I sat at the edge of my chair while I watched both kids play.  Well, I was actually watching Brooklyn steal all the toys away from "G", and was trying to get her to stop before mom showed up! 

Then G's momma walked into the room.

In my mind I'm thinking "Hi, nice to meet you.  I'm sorry that your son was taken away because he had serious injuries.  Please don't talk to me about the case circumstances, I'd rather not know really and I would just like to believe that you are a good mom since I know there's a big chance he'll be going back into your care.

In her mind I'm sure it was something like "Hi, nice to meet you.  I didn't hurt my son and I hope you know that I'm fighting to get him back, so please don't get too attached to him. Oh, and your daughter is really cute."

We actually ended up saying polite words to each other, like two strangers who were meeting for the first time without the State's involvement.  We talked casually about baby "G", I tried to ask questions knowing that she was the expert on his behaviors, and you could see that she found great joy in talking about her sweet baby.  He immediately cuddled with mom but really didn't act very different with her than he did with anyone else, he was mostly interested in the new toys and eating the egg mcmuffin that she had brought for him.  Yes, the adult size egg mcmuffin for the 9 month old. 

First impressions can throw you off a little right?  Before even talking to his mom I took a look at the way she was dressed and how her makeup was applied.  To be honest, I can't even share what went through my head because I am SO beyond ashamed.  Ashamed that I judged his mom at first sight.  Ashamed that I'm a Christian who so easily put his mom into a stereotype just like anyone else would.  I'm embarrassed to even talk about it.

"G"'s mom actually thanked me for taking care of him.  CPS doesn't tell you where your kids are for the first three days or so and eventually she learned he was placed into a foster home.  His mom expressed how happy she was to meet me, and told me that she finally felt at peace knowing that he was in a loving home. 

Her kind words didn't stop there, after that first meeting I contined to receive "Thank you" notes from her.  She sent me a Mother's Day card, left her email so I could send her pictures and even with having little money she sent home graham crackers and juice to share with Brooklyn. 

The more I communicated back and forth with this little boy's momma, the more I pray that he'll go home to her.  I have been so convicted on what the Lord said to Samuel, "Don't judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him.  The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them.  People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

1 comment:

  1. What a lovely post, Sara. And I'm glad for you all that baby G's mom is so sweet to you. I know that isn't always the case with foster care as you know, too.

    You know, my biggest hurdle with foster care before had been dealing with the birth parents. My attitude was WAY off base about them. I even openly shared in our training that my initial feelings were that I don't know HOW I'd be able to communicate or sit in the same room with someone who'd hurt or neglect their children. I wanted no part of that and felt like I would want to just deck them. Wellll, God DEFINITELY has softened my heart. HE has completely changed me. My attitude anyhow, because before our first placement and by the end of training, I was EXCITED to have a relationship - and dare I say, FRIENDSHIP - with the birth family if they desired that! I'm so excited for the ministry of working with birth parents now! It's funny how I don't have that chance yet with our first placement, and I know I'll have tons to learn once I do deal with birth families, but I'm excited.

    And I find I'm looking at these people more through God's eyes now. And it is NOT through my strength that's for sure! I need to blog about this change of heart!!! I see some positives before negatives now.

    If I ever meet baby J's mom, I think I'll want to HUG her!!! And THANK HER! I want to thank her for even having J and for leaving him where he will be safe. I already have a letter written out to her in case I ever get that chance. I am so grateful to her for even keeping the little life inside of her alive. Even if he had a rough drug-riddled life in the womb, at least he had life and has a full and beautiful life now. I'm eternally grateful to his mommy for that!!!

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