Top 6 things NOT to say to a Foster Mom.

Warning: If you've said any of these to me before, no worries. . . a ton of people make the same comments. I got a {lovely} comment today and was inspired to write this post.

6. "Will you adopt this one?"
-There is always the possibility that adoption will come up.  However, our system focuses on reunification and ultimately its best for kids to be with their birth parents.  By asking me this question you've given me a little twist in my stomach because I try not to think about adoption in order to prepare myself for when the child leaves my home.  I don't want to get my hopes up.

5. "How do you do it?"
-I don't know.  I can't tell you.  I'm thankful that Christ gives me the strength to care for kids that aren't my own, and that I have a supportive husband and family.  But I can't tell you how I do it, I take it all a day at a time.

4. "Are you sure (Enter birth child's name) Brooklyn's getting enough attention?"
-Your birth child has (hopefully) never been abused, neglected or removed from their home for a period of time.  That child is loved and by loving other children I would like to think they are learning what it means when Jesus said "Let the children come to me."  They are all God's children, and they all deserve love and attention.

3. "Bless your heart, you must be a saint."
-Hardly.  I love Jesus.  I listen to Britney Spears.  I drink beer and wine.  I'm often an emotional mess for my husband.  I struggle with my weight and eating too much or not working out enough.  I'd like to be a better parent and almost every day that crosses my mind.  Being a foster mom doesn't make me different from any other mom, my family might just look a little different. 

2. "I could never do this, my heart couldn't take it."
-My heart can't take it either.  But who else is going to step in the gap for these kids, and somehow God always shows up, protects my heart, and gives me the strength to deal with this broken system.

And finally, here is my short story of the comment said to me today:
 I was feeding Baby D in a group of people.  This mom walked up to me and was of course looking at his cuteness, she asked how old he was and I told her he was four weeks old.  I then added to the conversation that he was my foster son and she replied with, 

1. "Oh, no wonder you look rested."
-Yes, because when a foster baby is four weeks old, but its not really your baby. . .they totally sleep through the night.  In fact, you're welcome to take him for a night and enjoy the midnight, 3 and 6 am feedings. 

1 comment:

  1. What a great post! I've heard a few of them and agree with what you say. That last one though...goodness! That makes no sense! Especially when you not only have to be up for feedings with this guy just like your own baby, but you deal with a whole host of other issues just by being a foster mom. What on earth did you say in return or did you just stay silent?