Momma Confession #5

There have been a few moments this week where I could’ve made a list of confessions.  A confession about leaving G crying in his crib because he refused to take a nap, I won’t even admit how long he was there, but he eventually fell asleep!  I could confess about how often I recently used candy and snacks to keep my kids happy during the Thanksgiving holiday rush, because quiet shopping and car rides make this momma happy. 

But for now, I’ll save some of my confessions and keep adding to them as the days go by and I continue learning the kind of mom I want, or don’t want to be.  In the mean time, I can share a confession from another mom; here we go . . .

I became a mom for the first time at the wise old age of 21...one year to the day after getting married. Speaking from experience, I would not recommend having a child your first year of marriage, especially when you married prior to being old enough to even purchase (or drink) the champagne used to toast your marriage! Any way...being a new, young mother was not easy, especially since I was forced to work full time. Those first couple years were rough, but I had a very laid back, healthy baby who slept through the night and could happily entertain himself for hours on end.

The real trouble started when baby #2 arrived on the scene, I was now much older and wiser at 23 (ha! Not in the least). That pregnancy was nearly unbearable, I was sick constantly, suffered migraines and had a skin disorder that caused my face to be extremely dry and itchy. I honestly believed God was punishing me for choosing to bring another child into a marriage I knew was falling apart. When the baby came I was SO relieved, but then the screaming began...and went on and on and on. He had severe reflux and couldn't keep down ANY type of formula and as a result, never slept. Ever. All this while I had a toddler clinging to me.

Just before I had to return to work, six weeks after his birth, he was diagnosed with RSV, so I now had a baby that not only wouldn't eat, he couldn't breathe. I was exhausted beyond explanation, but the day I dropped him off at my mom's and headed to work, I could not have been more relieved! I was actually happy to have a full eight hours away from all the crying and fussiness. I of course felt a great deal of guilt over being able to so easily leave the tiny newborn I was supposed to be nurturing. I did, after all, cry hysterically the first time I left my first born at daycare.

In a nutshell, I got over the guilt eventually, but always felt kind of bad for being so extremely excited to leave my six-week old baby and go to work taking care of other people's small children.

Thanks for sharing about your experience Momma!  I know that moms can feel relief when they get a break from a fussy baby, and yet they feel guilty about taking that break!  When we give 100% of ourselves to our kids, we deserve a break every now and then!

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