12.14.2012

Confidence


It’s taken me a long time to make the decision that I’m going through with today.  I’m chopping off my hair.  (Obviously, a really serious decision, its up there with adoption and fostering of course, ha!)  But seriously, ask my husband . . . the thought process over my hair has turned me into an unnecessary nutcase.

I’ve lost my confidence.  Maybe its because being a mom is harder than I thought.  Growing up my mom was so scary to boys that I knew.  I started noticing her personality in second grade when she got on the phone with a boy who was calling me and told him never to call again.  I don’t know what her tone of voice was like (because I found out from the boy about the call) . . . but from second grade through sixth grade boys would stay on the opposite side of the street when they would walk by my house on their way home from school (we lived right next to the school).  My mom was the president of the PTA as well, of course, and was in charge of or involved with anything and everything we did.  Embarrassing at the time, inspiring now. 

My mom is strong.  She has always been a strong mother, confident in her parenting.  My mom has also shown me what it means to submit to (in a spiritual not abusive way) and respect your husband.  So I know that I haven’t lost my confidence through the modeling I’ve had in my family. 

Maybe I slowly lost it after the fear of being a first time parent.  I actually started to feel like I had it together as a mom after about a year, and then we welcomed more kids into our home . . . and the sh** hit the fan.  Not only was our home turned upside down trying to get used to the routine of Foster care, my self-esteem took a big hit. 

Now, after over two years of growing my hair out (it grows so slow), I’m a little annoyed that it doesn’t look like the hair of the Victoria’s Secret models.  It also doesn’t look anything like the long hair pictures on Pinterest either.  Speaking of Pinterest . . . my home, recipes, craft-life and wardrobe also don’t measure up. 

So today I’m going to decide to rock short hair.  I barely shower with three small kids, which means I put my hair in a pony and look at other women and envy their hair and the time they had to curl it.  Sometimes I go four days without washing my hair, and I have to be ok with that.  I have to decide to be happy with the way I look.  I have to be confident in the way I parent and know that at least I’m trying my best with three kids ages 2 and under.  I want my kids growing up with a strong mother and want my daughter to see that I’m confident in a world of media portraying how women should dress and look.  I want to model strength to her, just like my mom did for me.

“I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.”        1 Timothy 2:9-10

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will.”                 Romans 12:2

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