Our New "Extended" Family

Last Saturday night we had G's bio Mom, brothers and sister over.  Our "open" adoption hasn't become official yet but because rights were severed, visits had stopped a long time ago.  Right now we are in this gray area of deciding what kind of visit policy we'll have.  

Some adoptive families just send pictures and updates to the parents, others see bio parents once or twice a year, and his bio mom has a friend who visits her son four times a year.  About three months she mentioned dinner once a week and then all of the kids visiting twice a month, six visits a month.  We would see G’s bio mom more than our own family; that was definitely not going to happen.  Instead of having to say something to her, break it to her slowly that we wanted visits a little spread out, I believe that God started to work in her heart.

As soon as the papers were signed G’s momma took some time to grieve and reflect.  Here and there I will get text messages from her checking in on all of my kids.  When we saw her two months ago, instead of talking about constant visits, she mentioned that she knew it was appropriate to give our family some space and for her to not see G as often.  Thank you God that we didn’t have to say something, which for me would’ve been awkward . . . “I know you asked us to adopt your son, but now we’re in charge and we’ll see you twice a year, thanks.”

We still haven’t quite decided what visits will look like, and yet every time we get together with his bio family, I feel confirmation that God planted them in our path.  The kids have had an interesting life, and I pray that they see things in my home that encourage them.  That just because their parents split up, not all parents do and a marriage can be healthy.  That Ryan and I can have rules in our house, without screaming them at people, but by just asking nicely to throw away the trash or to wash their hands.  I don’t know how adults in their life interact with them, but I know that the boys love to wrestle and play with Ryan.  We model eating at a table, praying before our meal and possibly other things that I’m not aware of but God is revealing to them.

At the end of our dinner together, we roasted s’mores, (where we had one fire incident with his autistic brother, close call!) and then had them ride with us to a neighborhood nearby where we walked around with lights.  We had also given them small gifts in stockings and one for his bio-mom as well.  It filled my heart with joy to watch the excitement of the kids opening their small gifts, and I feel like I don’t even know them that well.  At the end of the night bio mom thanked me for opening my house to her kids and accepting them as they are.  She has a hard time taking them places because of how wild they are and the amount of them.  I said, “They’re kids!  Ours are wild too, just in a toddler kind of way!” 

Like I said before, we’re still not sure about the length of time in between visits, but I do know that I want to see his siblings every time.  I pray that feeding them (a lot) and letting them play like kids blesses them, and I know that every time they leave I feel like I’ve been blessed by spending time around all of them and their child-like imaginations and faith.

1 comment:

  1. What you guys are able to do as a family is beautiful.