50 Shades of Senters

As usual, I’m losing my mind a little bit each day.   Thank goodness for Jesus and occasional Momma drinks, both are great encouragers to press on!  Recently, on a very tough day, in the midst of my anger and frustration with whatever was happening with one or a few of my five kids (it’s often multiple issues at once) it occurred to me the other routine I have that also aids in getting me through the long days of this season.  Having sex with my husband.  Whether we had slept together the night before a long day, or I’m looking forward to the night that lies ahead, making love to him often gives me the extra energy I need.

TMI right?!?! I thought about writing this post back when 50 Shades of Grey came out in the theaters.  Now that it just released in stores for people to watch in the comfort of their homes, I thought I might finally get around to sharing why I haven’t and won’t ever be personally watching the movie. 

Now before you get your panties in a wad thinking that I’m judging everyone who has gone to see it, PLEASE.  Just last weekend I took my 16 year old to see her first rated R movie in the theaters and there was definitely a fast nudity clip! Mom of the year right here.  I know many people who have read the books and seen the movie and I absolutely love these peeps, but that doesn’t mean that I need to. It’s my own issue.

Here’s the thing, my husband and I have an amazing sex life.  Like, amazing.  So amazing that recently after an incredible night in bed, my kids were having a crazy moment and in the midst of the screams I turned to Ryan and said in a loud voice over the tantrums “People are always asking me how I can handle this many kids and I never really know what to say, but I’m just going to start telling everyone that it’s because we have hot sex.”  True story.  When people ask me how I survive a teenager and four children under four, those words might be coming out of my mouth.

Here’s when the movie piece comes in . . . Our sex life is so good that I’m afraid to watch a movie about people having sex, or having an affair, or whatever relationship is happening between Christian and Anastasia.  I don’t want any ounce in my body to feel like I’m missing out on something.  Missing a position, missing out on role-play or maybe feeling like we aren’t having enough fun in bed. All day every day I’m fighting the urge not to compare myself to other women over how I dress, how my hair looks, how I parent or the choices I help to make for our family- I can’t justify adding ONE MORE THING to compare myself to.   Maybe you’re a person who can watch shows and make no connection to them, but I love characters and their stories, I sobbed like a baby when McDreamy died on Grey’s Anatomy and I absolutely believe that I would finish watching 50 Shades of Grey and start fantasizing over sex. I’m a dreamer and feeler; it’s what I do.  So when I daydream you’d better believe its about my husband, instead of a character or couple that we could never compete with.

Unlike the movie, Ryan and I usually have to plan out our nights. Married people with children, this is a thing right? Some nights I let Ryan fall asleep on the couch and I know its an off night, other nights when we plan to make love we know to get to bed early so we can still fall asleep at a decent time afterwards since we wake up early with the kids. Sounds just like a movie right?!? It’s my own personal fantasy at home, and I’m super content with what other people might think is boring or mundane.

My Nanny always told me that God stopped creating things after He designed sex because He couldn’t create anything better.  She is right! Without watching movies, browsing porn or reading books my husband and I are naturally able to explore each other’s bodies, pleasure each other in new ways and ultimately enjoy connecting physically.  God designed us to do that!  I don’t need to compare our sex life to anyone else’s, especially not one on the big screen.

Maybe you can watch the movie without feeling the need to compete with the stars in bed, maybe you LOVED the movie- great! It’s just not one that I can watch.  At one point about a year ago I quit looking at Pinterest because it became comparison porn to me.  Since then I’ve been back on after taking the time away to clear my head and bring myself back to down to my reality and happy place. I also watch HGTV on and off depending on the shows; it’s easy for me to start comparing my own home to the one being designed. And unless my husband and I are seriously looking for a home (because moving is kind of what we’re known for in our family), I don’t look at Zillow or other sites that show me homes available in my area or an area that I desire to be in.  I’m constantly keeping myself in check by protecting my mind and heart from the slow death of comparison.  Instead I choose to walk in the light, to be real, and to love this life that I’ve been given.

Is there something in your life that is taking away your joy?  Cut it off and take that joy back!  Are you watching a show that leaves you feeling like your life is boring? Do you compare your daily routines to the status’ of people on your Facebook feed? Life is too short to be in competition with your stuff, the way you look, what your sex life is like or whatever it may be.  Find what works for you and your family, choose contentment with what you’ve already been blessed with and rid your life of the comparison war, it’s a nasty one.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for sharing this & being vulnerable, Sara! I agree with you on the importance of not allowing items (i.e. Shows, movies, Facebook) in your life where they can be used as comparisons. I needed this reminder. It's easy to forget to be on guard for myself when constantly surrounded by comparisons in this culture. Goodbye, shows or news feeds that put myself in comparing situations!